The story so far - a little of my history.

OK, this is where I begin; with a little history. Right now, I am 10 months away from being 40. No mathematician should be needed to work out that 10 years ago I was 10 months away from being 30. A decade is a long time in anyone’s life - for me it has brought extensive changes.

Ten years ago, I was unhappy at work feeling that I was 'singled out' as a figure for abuse - I dreamt of a holiday to Meso-America: Mexico, Belize, Honduras and Guatemala. I envisaged spending my 30th birthday half way up an Ancient Mayan Monument in Mexico with a bottle of Tequila slowly drinking myself to oblivion. I read the travel books and surrounded myself with pictures to bring my dream closer.

Alas, my dream was never realized, unfortunately the main trip prohibitive was my obesity. I always have been large; my dress size has always exceeded my age. That fact is worth closer consideration – approaching forty and I can no longer buy my skirts on the high street!

Ten years have passed, and with the help of some people at work who valued me I found myself some better head-space. My positivism and my love of living grew, even if my love of myself did not. Four years ago when my confidence had almost returned I pulled my back which kept me from work for two months. My employer was very understanding. On my return to work I continued to give 100% and prove myself invaluable to the project. I did; repeatedly.

I always have been one for the ‘all or nothing’ mentality. Last year my work became too much for me; I wont go into the reasons but needless to say I found myself off work again for eight months with anxiety, stress and depression. I returned on a rehab plan slowly building up to full time work. I confess now that progress has been slow and even now I am only working three days a week – but – I am tenacious – I see me getting back to a normal working week sooner rather than later.

So now, ten years on, as I sit here I find I have gone full circle. I am sitting here contemplating a holiday to Latin America to celebrate a landmark birthday. This time it is not to drown my sorrow at moving through a major age landmark but a celebration of getting through my own ‘internal’ problems and those thrown at me by the world around me.