So, here I am thirty nine, morbidly obese, single (again) and still undertaking cognitive behavioral therapy to get me out of the mental rut I am in. Does this sound negative to you? Well it is about as negative as I get, because the truth be known, I just tend to get on with things despite the less-than-positive-reality. Some things you can change, some things you cant. Changeable or not life should not go on hold until change occurs. Does this sound as if the therapy is working?I confess the concept of continuing regardless did not occur to me until about five years ago when a complete stranger on a crowded train made me realize that what I feel on the inside is not visible on the outside. I wont go into the details but there has been a very slow change in me – I have been doing the things I have been put on hold and loving myself just a little more. I guess this is what therapy does – make you revalue life, attitudes and challenges reactions.
Reactionary or not, here I am generally happy with my life. Accepting there are things that are easy to change and things that are hard to change. Knowing that I tackle the easy to change things but cry away from the massive challenges. Is my desire to celebrate my birthday a result of therapy? I do not know. I do know that the idea of a trip is about celebrating. My life has been on hold for too long. Fearing old age alone made me want to make sure I had a good set of memories to fill my time as the eyes start to fail.
Are my actions that of a mid life crisis? I believe this is more likely than because of therapy. Either way, the idea of a birthday celebration has been niggling away at me for some time.
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